Services

Life is full of strange little ironies; none stranger (or littler) than the sequence of events that occurred the day that Ronn and Julie were attempting to write an introduction for the Services page of this website. Experiencing writer’s block, they decided to take a break from the task and instead spend an enjoyable afternoon doing what they love the most: playing with the ranch’s boarded dogs. Out in the largest of the property’s three Corrals, invigorated by the fresh open air and revelling in the enthusiasm and excitement of their ball-chasing four-legged friends, Ronn and Julie all but forgot about the Services introduction and the creative headaches it was causing them. And they certainly weren’t aware of the two grey squirrels sitting in the sun on the Corral fence, chattering away to each other….

“You never take me anywhere anymore,” Squirrel 1 said.

Squirrel 2 gave his wife a genuinely puzzled glance. “Why would I need to take you anywhere, my darling?” He gestured expansively about them with his little paw. “Look around you! Look at these twenty-six picturesque acres of unspoiled natural beauty!”

“Yes-yes, I know all that,” Squirrel 1 said. “I mean, you never take me to the shops. Or out to eat. Nothing!” She folded her arms crossly. “And then there are all these dogs staying here! Just look at them frolicking and romping over there!”

“I quite like the dogs, to be honest….”

“Well, you would, wouldn’t you? Where were you yesterday when that Golden Retriever — yes, him, that one there with the big silly grin — was chasing me all about the place?!”

“I was tending to my nuts!” Squirrel 2 wailed, aggrieved.

“He almost caught me! And he would’ve, too, if I hadn’t jumped into one of the two fresh spring-fed ponds this idyllic property features!”

Squirrel 2 placed a calming paw on his wife’s shoulder. “Ah, love, he was just playing. He’s so happy to be here — didn’t you see how his tail was wagging?”

“I’ll give him wagging….” She shrugged off his paw and turned her head away, sniffed loudly.

An uncomfortable silence settled over the two of them.

After a few fuming moments, Squirrel 1 swung abruptly back to her husband. “You know what that sparrow from the oak tree next door told me this morning? She told me that K9 Ranch, apart from being a dog-boarding facility of the highest standard and calibre, also offers SERVICES….”

“SERVICES? What do you mean, ‘SERVICES’?” Squirrel 2 made an exasperated noise. “That sparrow is all beak and no brains!”

“Well, apparently, according to her, there are all sorts of SERVICES that dogs being boarded here can choose from: grooming, bathing, fur cutting and styling, brushing, nail-trimming, ear-cleaning, de-shedding.” She snorted. “When was the last time I had a professional cut and style?! You tell me that!”

“But, love, you’re not a dog.”

“Dog-schmog!”

“And we’re not boarded guests here,” he said. “We just sort of…live here….”

“THEY EVEN OFFER A DOG CHAUFFEUR SERVICE!” Squirrel 1 bellowed.

“But — ”

“Did it ever occur to you,” she said, “that I might like to be chauffeured around now and again? No! Of course, it didn’t! Because you never take me anywhere!”

“But, love — !”

Squirrel 1 rounded on her husband, jabbed a finger in his face. “You listen to me! The minute we get back to our tree, you’re getting on the computer and finding a place where I can buy a dog costume!”

“But — ”

“And then I’m going to find out more about these K9 Ranch SERVICES!”

“But, darling,” he said. “We’re squirrels. We don’t have Internet access….”

And so the conversation went. And went. And went.

Imagine how envious (and furious) that Internet-deprived squirrel would be if she were able to witness you CLICKING HERE now to learn more about the services that K9 Ranch offers….